The DR
by EfinityFabala
Summary: Welcome to the Discussion Room. Imagine a small room where cats can come to meet with other warriors, dead or alive, old or young, to discuss and debate and tease one other. Imagine what they could say to each other if only they had the time.
1. Jay Blue Yellow Blossom WEIRD

**_Thank you to Wolfstorm7, who alerted me that it's against the Guidelines to do a script. This used to be a script, but I altered it. So, enjoy!_**

**Welcome to the DR, or the Discussion Room. Imagine a small room where any cat from anywhere can come to meet with other warriors, dead or alive, old or young, to discuss and debate and tease each other. Imagine what they could say to each other if only they had the time.**

**We join Bluestar, Yellowfang, and Jayfeather sitting in the DR**

Bluestar nudged Jayfeather. "So, how's everything going down there in the ol' Clans?"

Jayfeather gave her a funny look. "Haven't you been watching???" he asked.

Bluestar and Yellowfang laughed. "No, and StarClan have been pretty useless for the entire POT series!"

Jayfeather rolled his eyes. "Got that right, AND ANOTHER THING--"

"Jayfeather, calm yourself!" Yellowfang exclaimed, stepping in between Bluestar and the young medicine cat. She smacked him across the face. Jayfeather rolled his eyes again.

"I can't I wasn't born with self control!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bluestar smirked. "Wow, no self control and no sight? That sucks." Then Yellowfang smacked _her._

"Watch your tongue!"

"Sorry." The old leader rubbed her nose indignantly.

Yellowfang wasn't finished. "You know very well that Jayfeather has no problem with having no sight. Duh!!"

Jayfeather growled, "Why are we talking about me like I'm not here?"

Yellowfang and Bluestar regarded him with superiority. "Because you are the youngest of the three of us."

"Yeah," agreed Bluestar, "so it's our job to treat you like a kit!"

Jayfeather bared his teeth. "Fine, then I'll just go get someone who's younger than me!! Oh, Blossomkit!!!"

He whisked out of the DR and scooped Blossomkit out of the nursery, returning with the young kit's scruff in his jaws. Bluestar and Yellowfang exchanged a look.

Jayfeather dropped an affronted Blossomkit.

"What do you want?! I was plotting to take over the clans--I mean--taking a nap!!!"

All three older cats gave her an extremely odd look. Jayfeather said, "Ok... creepy, much."

Blossomkit piped up, "Jayfeather can I be your apprentice????"

Jayfeather still seemed cautious. "I was actually going to ask you about that.... but now you just told everyone that you were plotting to take over the clans... so..."

Blossomkit whined, "But I'm so cute!!!"

Jayfeather rolled his eyes yet again. Cuteness had no effect on him.

Yellowfang stepped forward. "Who is this, Jayfeather?"

Bluestar jumped to her paws. "Yeah, who _is_ this, Jayfeather?"

"Stop copying me!"

Jayfeather sighed. "This is Blossomkit, one of Millie and Graystripe's"

"Hi!" Blossomkit squeaked.

Bluestar narrowed her eyes, memories of Tigerclaw flashing through her eyes. "Did you just say you wanted to take over the clans???"

Blossomkit blushed. "Oops. I let the cat out of the bag… Bye!"

Blossomkit scurried out of the Discussion Room, back to the safety of Millie, who would never believe Jayfeather if he told her that Blossomkit was evil... but she was... dun dun DUUUN.

Jayfeather was too busy giggling to himself anyway. The DR door slammed shut. "Hahaha! '_Cat out of the bag'_—it's a pun!!" He looked at Yellowfang and Bluestar eagerly.

"Since when do puns amuse YOU?!" Yellowfang chuckled.

Jayfeather's eyes immediately darkened with the insult. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Bluestar snorted. "Well, you are a humorless pig-headed grumpy puss!" Jayfeather began to bristle.

"Am not!"

Yellowfang snickered. "Are too!"

Bluestar also snickered. "D2."

Yellowfang purred, "Hahaha! …R2D2… like from Star Trek? Anyone??"

Jayfeather took a deep breath, clearly a whisker away from losing his patience. "Real mature, guys..."

**Thus ends our first DR session.**


	2. The Medicat Meeting WEIRD

_**I apologize, Wolfstorm7, because I will not be taking your other advice about making this less ridiculous just yet :). Sorry, I have to much crazy dialogue to get out of my system first :)**_

**The next day, the DR is buzzing with cats, who all want to see dead loved ones, since they heard that Jayfeather and Blossomkit met with the famous deceased Bluestar and Yellowfang!**

**Unfortunately, Jayfeather has other plans. He uses his mystical powers to command them all:**

Jayfeather raised his voice above the commotion. "OK, EVERYONE WHO IS NOT A MEDICINE CAT GO AWAY!!!"

A whole bunch of people leave the DR in a daze.

Jayfeather cleared his throat to address the remaining cats. "I have called this medicine cat meeting to discuss the distribution of herbs, the moonly visit to the moonpool, and Hollyleaf's peculiar new obsession with fox dung."

Littlecloud recoiled. "Eew."

Mothwing agreed, curling her lip. "Eew. _Fox dung??_"

Jayfeather sighed and nodded. "Yes, it is highly disconcerting."

Willowshine cocked her head. "I thought Hollyleaf was dead???"

"Sadly not. The Magical Stick has informed me that she is still out there. Not dead."

Barkface stood up. "I have been alive since the first book ever!" he declared. "Shouldn't _I_ be dead?!?!?!"

"That's not a very nice thing to say about yourself, Barkface." Mothwing narrowed her eyes.

Barkface grumbled to himself.

Kestrelpaw shouted, "I WANT MY FULL NAME!!!"

Barkface pushed him down and barked, "Quiet, you little brat. I'm really old and haven't thought of it yet!"

"So unfair…" Kestrelpaw grumbled.

Just then, Blossomkit burst into the DR.

"I WANNA BE A MEDICINE CAT TOO!!! I WANT A FULL MEDICINE CAT NAME!! MAKE ME YOUR APPRENTICE JAYFEATHER!!!"

Jayfeather hesitated. "Well..."

Blossomkit continued, "Then I'll be one step closer to taking over the WORLD! Mua. Ha."

Yellowfang widened her eyes. "You are one twisted miniature cat. do you even know anything about medicine???"

"Well, I know that deathberries kill people…" Blossomkit shuffled her paws.

"ThunderClan is in trouble," Yellowfang concluded.

Blossomkit cackled. "Way to figure that one out, O mighty starclan warrior!" she growled sarcastically.

Yellowfang's eyes narrowed. She bristled. "Watch it, you scrap of fur!"

Near the door, Kestrelpaw looked around the DR, at a loss for words. "This is weeiiird…" he concluded.

Blossomkit jumped to her paws, turning from Yellowfang to Kestrelpaw. "_You_ are weird!!"

"You're the maniac kit who wants to take over the world!" Kestrelpaw retorted.

Blossomkit remembered her evil plot. A sly grin crossed her face. "MUAHA!"

Kestrelpaw looked up at the ceiling. "I am surrounded by freaks," he murmured.

"Oh, go jump in the lake!" Yellowfang shoved Kestrelpaw.

Ferncloud entered the Discussion Room, shaking her finger at them all (figuratively). "Now, now children violence only leads to more violence…"

Yellowfang bared her teeth. "That's the general idea."

Kestrelpaw ignored her. "Whatever happened to the medicine cat meeting??"

Yellowfang looked at Blossomkit. "Well, seeing as Blossomkit is evil and my kit is Brokenstar, I'd say that neither of us are qualified anymore. We may as well leave."

Blossomkit spat, "Damn it all to the dark forest!"

"Watch your language, little kit!" Ferncloud chastised. "Let your anger out in more constructive ways."

Blossomkit stuck out her tongue. "Make me, goody-goody!"

Ferncloud looked affronted. "I'm not a goody-goody, I'm a therapist!"

Yellowfang growled. "Same difference."

Kestrelpaw had had enough. "You people are hopeless!"

Kestrelpaw left the Discussion Room in a huff.

Yellowfang spat in his wake. "Good riddance."

Jayfeather gave up. "The medicine cat meeting is adjourned."


	3. Random Humor WEIRD

**There is officially a new feature of the DR. At any point, one cat may set the lock on the DR door so that a certain other cat is unable to get in. Ok, that's all I got to say.**

Jayfeather, Sol, Blossomkit, Bluestar, Lionblaze and Oakheart are sitting in the DR. Oh, and there is one strange mystery cat who is wearing a face mask. The only thing distinguishable is her black pelt…

The Mystery Cat broke the silence. "Muaha. Muahaha. HAHAHAHA!!!" And she began to foam at the mouth…

Jayfeather paced across the room and looked her in the eye (yes, he can see in the DR… sometimes). He considered the insanity that she had just displayed. He smirked. "Let me guess... Hollyleaf?"

The black she-cat stuck her tongue out at him. "Aw, how'd u guess? My disguise is so clever!"

"But your mentally unstable aura is extremely difficult to ignore," Jayfeather sniffed.

"Hey, don't make fun of my sweetie paws!!" Sol protested. Everyone laughed.

"Where did SolXHollyleaf come from???"

Hollyleaf growled. "He's the only one who understands me!"

"Whatever," Jayfeather spat. "Take off the mask, Hollyleaf."

"No. It makes me feel mysterious…"

Everyone cackled with laughter. Whatever respect they had had for Hollyleaf evaporated. Sol wailed, "Nooo!!! Holly, baby, this'll totally ruin our plans to destroy the clans!! (no rhyme intended...)"

Blossomkit gasped. Sol was speaking her language! "Oh, Sol! Suddenly you're a lot more attractive!!" And she swooned.

Sol edged away from her. "Umm, u r a little bit young for me..."

Blossomkit got to her paws. "Dang it everyone says that!!! Tigerstar, Hawkfrost, Firestar, even the Stick of Destiny!!!"

Bluestar cracked up. "You hit on the Stick of Destiny???!!"

The Magical Stick rolled into the Discussion Room.

"Hey, leave me out of this. I'm still crushing on Jayfeather!!"

"Eew." Jayfeather grimaced. Where was this stick's mouth, anyway?

Bluestar rolled her eyes. "Well _I_ will always be in love with OAKHEART!!"

Oakheart twined his tail in hers. "Aww, that's my sweetie pussy paws!!"

"Let's go back to StarClan, lovey munchkin!!" And they ascended while a chorus of angels sang…

The stick spoke again, which was endlessly creepy. "I love you, Jayfeather!"

Rock, the bulgy-eyed ancient guy, burst in.

"Hey! The stick was mine first!!!"

"You can have it," Jayfeather muttered, thoroughly spooked.

The Stick of Destiny backed away from Rock. "Uh-uh. No way am i going back down into the tunnels!!!!"

Rock sniffled. "Humph! Why does everyone always say that?!?!"

Jayfeather stepped forward. "Umm, because the tunnels bring certain death and eternal wandering to all who dare to enter???"

Rock rolled his sightless eyes. "Well when u put it that way... it sounds pretty bad."

Blossomkit stomped her foot, drawing attention to herself yet again. "This stinks," she complained. "Now I have no allies to destroy the clans!!!  
Sol and Hollyleaf have rejected me!"

"Oh, darn it," Jayfeather meowed sarcastically.

He locked Blossomkit out of the DR.

Lionblaze smirked. "Phew she was a huge pain!!" Up until now he had been sitting on one of the wooden ledges, listening to the others argue.

Heathertail, who had been crouching in a corner, realized that her past love was present. She yowled, "LIONBLAZE WHEN I GET MY CLAWS ON YOU I'M GOING TO—"

Lionblaze acted fast, shoving his harasser out of the door. He locked her out.

He let out a breath. "Thank StarClan for the lock."

"You can't run from your problems like that! You have to face them!" Jayfeather scolded.

Lionblaze took a step back. "I think you're spending too much time with Ferncloud."

Jayfeather said, "Can I help it if I need therapy???"

He locked Lionblaze out.

Firestar entered, pushing his way past a clawing, yowling Lionblaze. He regarded his grandson with disapproval. "Jayfeather, stop blocking people!"

Onestar flew into the DR just as the door was about to shut behind Firestar. His lithe WindClan body allowed him to make it with inches to spare. Everyone jumped with surprise as he landed in front of Firestar.

"Onestar!" Firestar gasped, forgetting about Jayfeather's problem. Jayfeather was considering locking Onestar out…

The WindClan leader snarled, "I hate u, Firestar. I used 2 like u, but then I became all independent and bitter and now I HATE U!!"

Firestar padded away from the bristling cat. He seemed very unconcerned. "Hey no complaints here. Onestar is a stupid name."

**So ends another weird chapter. :) Any ideas as to what the next serious one should be?**


	4. You Vanished? SERIOUS

**The first serious chapter. (Reunited at long last).**

Cinderpelt sits in the DR alone, admiring the stars overhead. In the DR, there's always a clear, dark moonhigh sky. Other than that the room is bare, with several wooden ledges lining the flat walls.

It's so perfectly-constructed… it could easily have been Twoleg-made… Cinderpelt begins to worry about this.

Then Firestar walks in. Her mind drains of thought.

"Cinderpelt!" he purrs.

"Firestar," she replies. Her eyes glow. Firestar doesn't hesitate to bound up to her, to nuzzle her and purr loudly. She grows hot with embarrassment.

"Um, how are you?" she says, gently pushing him away.

"I thought I'd never see you again. I visited the Moonpool, I prayed for dreams… You weren't in StarClan. You… you vanished." He chokes up. His eyes are pleading and confused and hurt.

Cinderpelt immediately pities him. "I'm sorry." She hangs her head. "I had… other duties to attend to."

"Oh?" Firestar cocks his head, prompting her to go on.

Cinderpelt sighs. "I just want you to know, Firestar, that I'm happy. I promise."

"But… you're not in StarClan?" Firestar seems caught on this subject, like a thorn in fur. He is unwilling to believe that his friend is not among the starry warriors.

"Don't worry about me," Cinderpelt purrs. "I'll be in StarClan one day. Really."

Firestar's expression darkens. "You're not going to fade away like StarClan warriors in my dreams, are you? I _hate_ that! They disappear without warning, leaving me with more questions than answers!"

Cinderpelt rolls her eyes. "Believe me, I hated that too. When Yellowfang and Spottedleaf and Bluestar gave me prophecies… back when I was still ThunderClan's medicine cat… they'd always be so vague and confusing." She touched her tail to his shoulder. "I've got to leave now, though. I have to go hunting with my sister…"

She bounded out of the DR door. Firestar was left with more questions with answers… again.

"Sister??"

* * *

"Cinderheart! Let's go hunting!" Poppyfrost exclaimed, her golden eyes glowing with playfulness as she poked her sister awake.

"Fine, fine," rasped Cinderheart, blinking sleep out of her eyes. The two young cats bounded out of camp on eight fully-functional paws, fulfilling their destinies as warriors of ThunderClan…

* * *

Poll:

Which is better?

A) Ridiculous chapters

B) Serious chapters

C) They're both great

D) They're both bad

E) Other


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